Core valuesJun 23, 2021
The magic of core values.
This entire core vore value idea was not only credited to the bottle of Sancerre I enjoyed the night before with my best friend, talking about the meaning of life.
The idea of finding guidance and meaning in life was true and kept coming back. I was in search of some deeper inner contentment. I believe the only person you should be seeking reassurance from is you. That doesn't imply it will be easier, but at least you know where you need to focus.
My first to do (or: my first to feel) was to identify what I love, what I eventually dream of, and what I value most. What I long for.
1. How to find your core values?
I thought I knew more about what I want to achieve in life. I made sure to work hard and set a few random short-term goals. I never fancied getting married or settling down with kids to live in one of those Wisteria Lanes. With neatly green in front of the house and classic decor for Halloween or Christmas.
I run after the fancy lifestyle with no deep commitments whatsoever. I decided upon my career and my personal path out of inspiration or good moods coming my way. Spontaneity filled my lifestyle with excitement. And I loved to be on the run, always expecting something bigger or better. If you would ask my friends or family, there was no clear thread running through everything I did.
As time goes on, I questioned this unsteady lifestyle, and it dawned on me that some options won't occur limitless if you don't commit to anything that truly matters. Feeling lost in many opportunities and seeing some passing by children, a marriage made me re-think.
Is this it? Seriously, maybe I trapped myself with this no-commitment strategy? (Hello FOMO!) Did I felt running out of time for some magical thing to happen?
What do I need to feel uplifted, happy, whole, alive, belong, safe? There must be an answer out there in Google, right? What can help me to live a life true to myself? Or what will I do with my life? How will I find love? These are big questions that felt quite heavy to answer.
I found a list of core values, and I picked some of them. It was surprisingly pretty easy. Some words spoke to me, and I knew instantly that those things matter and would bring joy. Having gathered some of the lists is a good start, but it did not get me in touch emotionally. Neither did they reveled a 10-step project plan to follow in 90 days.
So I was left with those orchestrated letters:
N A T U R E - C O M P A S S I O N - C R E A T I V I T Y - B O D Y LO V E - B E L O N G
I decided to sit with them. And I did — week after week. Sometimes questions arise: How does it feel to stick to unnegotiable values - and what does it even mean? I was mad at myself for discovering this vital part of life may be too late? How come I could not think of this earlier? It didn't occur to me that creating a core value frame could be fun and adorable, pure and a heartful compassionate process. Thanks to my inner self-compassion companion, I stepped back and made a promise to myself:
I will treat myself with compassion and unconditional love for not having the insides of values that matter to me in the past. I will have your back when you cannot reach those values or live up to them accordingly. Life is a jungle for all of us. Thanks to my teachers, I learned that values are no fixed goals you strive for or achieve 100 % immediately. -> I am not a perfectionist by far, but I felt so responsible to "achieve" those meaningful changes to do myself good.
There is a magic form of gratitude for getting to know these new values made a huge difference. May I be able to stick with it!
I will promise to remind myself to appreciate the possibility that I can always look out for small things inspired by my greater values that will bring lasting joy and happiness. Seeing your life from a different perspective (from one that is not demanding) is so encouraging! I feel I am invited to be brave, honest, and courageous when listening to my heart. This process is intentional. It is a process of self-guidance. And self-trust.
If those words above authentically match me, they will bring a feeling of home—a sense of safety and wholeness. And I may not need to be very different or do anything further.
No need to put another burden on my shoulders. No need to cause a new struggle to achieve "it." I got this feeling of compassionate trust and a light approach to my core values.
They will unfold with me someday.
The bafflement of what to do with ourselves in 2020 was putting weight into searching for meaning and values in life.
During the pandemic, one of the hip core values was "how to be happy and healthy doing nothing". Resting in difficult times and being with your inner self has become a part of a society's value system.
Besides all the social trends, let's enjoy sitting with (or finding) our non-negotiable values and allowing the path to emerge over time.
TIP or What do I suggest you remember?
# Core values are guidance/intentions on how you would like to live your life.
# Values bring joy - they are uplifting when you live following them.
# Sometimes you will have more of those qualities in your life. And for other periods, you won't have this alignment very much.
There is a saying that "life is what you make of it." Let's make it: "life is what you love of it." Listen to your heart & enjoy your journey 🙌🏻